Sunday, 2 October 2011

Five things that will make your life complete

There are lots of small things in life which just make every day that extra little bit more awesome. Here is my extensive list of these extra fabby dabby things that continue to grace my life with happiness.

Number One:  a Waltzer ride.
If you have not experienced the thrill of a Waltzer ride at a fairground I urge you to POP ON AND HAVE A SPIN. You will not regret it.
For those of you that have had deprived childhoods, here is a Waltzer.

Waltzers are quite simply beautiful. Picture the spinning teacups, take them and put them on a moving up and down platform, add several crazy lights including a blinding strobe, some bangin' beats blaring at top volume, and there you have the greatest invention known to man.  An added bonus is watching your pal's strained facial expressions as they grip onto the safety bar for dear life, looking like they are having a minor stroke as they are hurled round at life-threatening speeds. Well, life threatening for a Waltzer. Regardless, the Waltzer is a blur of lights, thumping bass lines, euphoric screams, and of course, a shaky disposition when you get off.

Number Two : A good cup of tea
Few things come close to a caffeine-filled concoction of a good golden brew. Having a cup of tea is not merely an action of survival to keep your bodily fluids topped up - having a cup of tea is a personal, suspended moment in time. The brew teases you as you slowly stir in the milk, watching the two substances collide, creating a magical compound of pure bliss and sanctuary. Then, once it's ready and has been tailored to your perfect colour, there is simply nothing more satisfying than taking the steaming cup of tea to your lips, swallowing the golden liquid and feeling the warm substance filtering through your body. At that moment, it is perfectly acceptable to make an "Ooooaaaaaaaaft" noise to show your appreciation for the tea. Worship the tea. Tea is life.

Number Three : Going absolutely insane to your favourite song in the privacy of your own home.
We all need a moment or two to let off inner frustrations. Acting like a total nutcase to what you consider to be the best song in the universe complete with a hairbrush or air guitar while genuinely believing you're at Wembley Arena, well, its a pretty good way to release any pent up energy. Of course this act takes place whenever one has a free house to enable maximum space and potential, and also to avoid any embarrassing collisions with other human beings, who may think you're having some kind of epileptic fit. Also, by being alone, you have absolutely no shame. If standing on the kitchen counter holding your cat up to the sky while singing "Circle of Life" floats your boat, then hoist that sail. Or if you fancy jumping on the sofa to a bit of ABBA, or Bohemium Rhapsody, well, don't break the sofa.

Number Four : Appreciating the Bed.
My philosophy is that my bed is my best friend. Your bed is always there to welcome you when you're about to drop dead from exhaustion, or have had a shit day and need to collapse in a dramatic manner crying out "WHY!?" while pretending you're in some sort of god-forsaken teen movie. The bed will never reject you, but will wrap you up in its cosy feathery warmth, much like a mother, and soothe you, as if it is going "there there, settle down love". You can kick and punch and beat the bed all you like when you're having a tantrum, and the bed will always welcome you back with open arms. You can sob into the bed, or jump on it up and down with great happiness, but the bed will never complain. I appreciate the bed. You should appreciate the bed. But don't break the bed. The bed won't be happy if you do.

Number Five : This man:

Need I say more.